there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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