You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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