we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
