were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize