Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
