I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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