listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
