I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
