wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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