im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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