i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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