craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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