he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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