Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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