Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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