His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
