Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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