i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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