did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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