He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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