I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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