Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
