I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
