you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize