I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
