So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
