Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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