She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
my poor anus
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
