So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
