We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
