why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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