I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
