Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
