My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize