i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
