anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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