i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
