Girls should come with a carfax report
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
