The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
