I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize