Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize