is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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