I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
