I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
