Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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