what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
