i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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