so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
