Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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