he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
