Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
