Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
