No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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