weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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