OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
