Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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