I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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