I'm gonna have a badass scar
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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