Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So much rum. So many feels.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
