Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i dont even know how to be here
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize