i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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