eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
