I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
