i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
