I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
All I want is dick and wine.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
